he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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