it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
