His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
