There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
