you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
