I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
