before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
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