well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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