Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
