She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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