Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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