i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
