perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
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