were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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