Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Randomize
