Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
