omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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