There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
How external is "for external use only"?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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