im drinking this country out of the recession.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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