you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
