So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
