direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
