about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
