Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
