So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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