I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
