y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
