watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
