i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
