I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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