i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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