I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
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