She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
