so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
