I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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