I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Randomize