Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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