She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
