I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
