What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
