dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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