it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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