Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
