can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
only you would photoshop your dick
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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