I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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