I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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