talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
