I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
