Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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