you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
