I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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