I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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