I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize