WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
