why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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