Please, let me fuck your mom
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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