Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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