ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
