she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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