Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
