I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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