OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
