I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
