oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
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