I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I am one with the molecules
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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