3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
