Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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