Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
