hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
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