dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
