I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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