Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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