i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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